Trespassing Sunlight

She tossed and turned in her bed, wrestling with discomfort. She had been having these nightmares for a long time… as long as she could remember. The bed that she was tied down to had the softest mattress, like it was made of clouds. She never got to see anything around her because of the dim lighting in the enclosed room. The suspense killed her. She felt deaf, not able to register the sound that was her screaming from the deepest of her gut. She felt cold air slice through her hair when she heard something steely behind her. A door opened. There was nothing she could do or say, time slowed down and a few arms appeared on each side of her. She craned her neck to see the arms were attached to two women, whom she had never seen before. Their faces were stiff as stone, and hands grabbed her, hurting her wrists. Then she felt a prick, or was it a stab? The pain was too much to bear. Pain gradually started to spread; one prick became ten, and then a hundred, then a thousand. A thousand pricks – she was drenched in her own sweat as her eyelids felt heavier and heavier. She saw a faint image of the women again. They were smiling now. She knew she was dying. She woke up with a start. “Late again” she mumbled, distraught, as she got out of bed and got ready for work. As every day, from the day since she could possibly recall, her life was too monotonous. Like clockwork. Every morning led to her rush to the bathroom, then the kitchen and then off to work. She cursed herself for never getting up to the alarm, and had to hatefully thank those stupid heart-sinking nightmares The process was so steady now that she lost track of the unanimous times she spent as a child when she savoured a cold shower in warm mornings, or the delicious sandwiches her mother used to make her before she left for school. She clearly remembered the smiley faces her mother used to make on those sandwiches with ketchup. She found those smiley faces every morning in her kitchen on her sandwiches even today. She gobbled it up knowing breakfast will only slow her down as she walked out of her apartment. The commute was rather a blur. She was only setting down her cup on her table when she heard his voice behind her cubicle’s pale walls. He was the only reason she came to work. He was tall and dark and simply… dreamy. Normal people wouldn’t find him too attractive, but Meera was smitten by everything about him. “Late again,” he said and winked at her. She blushed. She knew he was married, but she knew he loved her as much as she loved him, or even more. Everything about him was so perfect; she thought to herself. She felt lucky to have him. She had given him every possible subtle hint about her feelings for him, but his response never went any deeper in emotion than a flirtatious comment. Her friends had told her to move on, but she was convinced that he was just shy. She was madly in love with him. She worked till late like most days, usually waiting to leave when he leaves. After a hectic day she offered him to go for a nice dinner to refresh their mood. He enjoyed her company also. This time she got really lucky, he invited her for dinner at a restaurant. They talked for hours together. Time faded away into the distance and visions of him telling her about his dog and the town where he grew up became a kaleidoscope of his faces in her eyes. She knew she was in love. Madly. He reached out his hand and held hers across the table. He smiled. He confessed. She knew so was he. The alarm rang. She was thoroughly disturbed, despite her long cheery memory of a previously beautiful day. She threw the alarm clock on the ground and it broke, but her sleep was disturbed. She popped in some more sleeping pills and felt the need to complete her dream, but to no avail. She wanted to hold his hand again. She wanted to kiss him again. Just like last night. But ever since she walked in her office today, he looked distracted and wouldn’t even tell what was wrong. She snatched an opportunity to talk in front of the water cooler. He talked about his wife, which made Meera angry. She didn’t know why he talked about her so much when he didn’t love her. Ajit told Meera how thankful he was to have a friend like her. She walked slowly back in a trance to her table. Since when did she get demoted? A friend? She thought she was more as she sat there digging her nails in her knuckles. After office she asked for some time alone with him and he obliged hesitantly. They went to a park nearby. The sun seemed, setting in front of them above tall, scaly trees. She told him that she loved him, and he felt the same for her. She reminded him about last night. She fought and tried to convince him. He had no idea what she was saying. And this time no kaleidoscope weaved into her vision. He tried to explain but she was throwing things at him. The situation went out of control and he left her there crying. She then got up and ran. Took a bus home. The commute was a blur. She reached home and made a mess of it. She kept hurting herself, pulling her hair and crying till she fell off her bed. She woke up with a start, but she sat there without moving a limb. She thought she needed rest, she thought she slept as she had a lot to drink last evening. She reached for the bottle at her bed side, not even caring to open her eyes. The bottle of whiskey tumbled and spilled over her carpet, but she ignored that. She knew nothing can calm her except the pills. It was because of them she could survive him being so rude, she was angry and in pain, not knowing she survived a whole week after their fight in the park. Her mother was in the other room, crying and explaining matters to her husband; she came rushing from their hometown as soon as Meera’s friends started to get worried about her. Meanwhile, Meera’s hands searched for the medicine when her mother appeared, crying and screaming. She knew she wanted to go back to sleep and didn’t really care why mom makes a big fuss about the pills – they were Magic. She popped in some more before her mother could stop her. She lay limp while her mother called the doctor. Her head spun from the smell of phenol which occupied the room. She rubbed her eyes in an attempt to see clearly. She was certain she was dreaming. The paint on the unfamiliar walls was dull and scrapped from most corners. A tall dark man appeared and with a smile he asked me if she was doing fine. Her first reaction was to ask in anxiety about what was happening to her? She sensed weakness, and felt as though cold air seeped into her skull. She grabbed the doctor’s arms and begged for some pills, then screamed, cried, and struggled when denied. She jumped out of bed but felt no life in her own limbs to keep her steady, and fell with a thud on the cold marble floor. Her fingers trembled as she tried to gather all her strength to crawl towards the door, crawl away from this nightmare. The stranger in the room tried to help her get up but she pushed his hands away with a yell. The doctor pressed a button on the wall, which was soon followed by more strangers coming up. The room started to shrink as more arms tried to grab on her, this time succeeding, and putting her back on her bed. But this time she could not jump right off, as if her limbs were chopped off. She glanced around herself incessantly in panic, only to realise that her arms and legs were there, but strapped. Then she felt a prick, or was it a stab? The pain was too much to bear. Pain gradually started to spread; one prick became ten, and then a hundred, then a thousand. A thousand pricks – she was drenched in her own sweat as her eyelids felt heavier and heavier. She saw a faint image of the strange man again. He was not smiling now. She knew she was dying. The room was quite again. Her shouts still echoed in her mind, which became sweet mumbles in the room with unfamiliar walls. No one said a word but they all knew she would never be cured again. She felt her lids to grow heavier by each breath, and then slowly opened her eyes again. She realised she was in the park again. Ajit was approaching her. Was he smiling? She turned her face away and crossed her arms with a fuss, although she knew moments later she would melt in his arms once he wooed her back. She stared straight at the sun, which set majestically over full-blossom trees, or was it rising? She preferred to see it rising. A new beginning. She fought the thoughts of more strangers and more unfamiliar and rude arms that were just around the corner somewhere in her world. She knew they will come back. But she would give everything to cherish what she had now, and she did. She was just mesmerised, by choice, to be a part of this broken dawn.